I Love A Crawl...Crawl Honey, Crawl!

Welcome to The Pines!

Where the saying Du jour is:

Which was inspired by Dwight & Nene!


...aaaaaaand:

Inspired by Fred Armisen's impression of Joy Behar on SNL (Click Here to watch it!)

So we got there Thursday night and Tea was LIVE. So LIVE that Kevin found his future husband the second we arrived!

None of us stayed very long...but Jon Jon had the best exit...giving us a major Harpers pose!

On our way out we ran into several of our favorite Fire Island characters including but not limited to:

Briana!

The lonely suitcase!

Cuz let's face it...

Noone wants to claim a wheely bag...

...cuz it's all about a chic weekender!

Cuz every gay needs a dog to dress exactly like them!

Back at the house:

Why Soomy, are you taking cues from Madam Shapiro and matching your hair to your swimsuit now?

Is she an Injun?

Neanderthal?

...Or just a beautiful female with a hairy chest and pits?

Awww we just playin'...these boyz are pretty damn zexy!

Welcome back to NYC Ryanna!

Just two teenage gals reading their favorite vampire novela!

As if those lips weren't moist enough from last night!

Friday night tea was all about lewks!

Lotsa lewks...

and lottsa tanks!

Group

Singles

Tanlines werqs the Goyard

But we really feel it goes better with Soomy's patterned shorts

As if shorts aren't bad enough!

The boys are back in town

Beyond trashy

Two queens in the same house wearing the same shooz! Keep it cute gals!

Somehow we think this Jew wouldn't be able to hurt a fly!

Shaun is working a faux hawk slash mullet lewk! See!

FLOREZ? THE SUPER OF 200 WEST 16TH STREET? IS THAT CHU?

For some reason, this weekend a ton of queens were really giving us Executive Realness lewk.

We've told you before...

the only dress code for tea is: NO CARGO SHORTS! You're at the beach! No tie is required gentleman!

Speaking of Realness! Christopher Street Realness!

Ruffles from head...

...to toe!

Before

...and after!

Let's see that in video shall we?

And then, let's see the same outfit reinterpreted as The Wicked Bwitch of the West!




Scaredja didn't I?


That Bwitch got pensive up on us!

..and then lets see that outfit as our favorite reality messy mother!

These girls are getting ready for their closeup!

...and POW!

...and POP!

It's all about a satelite dish as a hat!

OW, my back hurtz!

The Long Island contingency

Taylor Dayne at tea?

What not to wear (at tea):

A toupee and a WIDE leg Levi

A cock-ring with your Speedo!

Under Armour. It's called UNDER Armour for a reason!

What is up with these bagz? We never understood them!

Porn studio tees!

Bagz that say D&G but aren't Dolce & Gabbana!

The Bad Shoe Report

These shoes might be sad but the Harem with the slit up the side is fierce!

What are these hybrid Teva/hiking shoes?

Cute for a female, not so cute for a man with hairy legz!

Don't get 'em at all!

Fine for the shower or an at home slipper but for a social gathering like tea? GAWD!

What TO wear to tea! A backpack full of....

Moraccas!

Floral hairpieces!

It's that time of year! Time to re-negotiate with the realtor!

Is Lina wearing...

Bumpits?????

Speaking of high hair! Not only does she have major hair...

...but she can dance!

It was Fire Island Black Out Weekend and the participants were ready to PARTY!

MAYA RUDOLPH? IS THAT CHU?

The boyz of Reflections made these crafty Sunset tees which we had no idea what they meant until...

The next day we saw this!

WB was totally jalouse that he wasn't invited to the party!

Soomy told you earlier in the season that the pleated khaki short was going to be a big trend this season!

Oh there they are again. The Long Island contingency! So classy, So chic!

I just love you Ken(more)!

Burkman Bros. shorts werq so well with a heel. Doncha think?

The hair report:

A momosa, a coif and a red LIP, perfect poolside!

She wasn't apologizing for a blown out, hair sprayed, head band lewk

Speaking of headbandz:

We love that the cashier at The Pantry...

...has the same headband as we do!

Someone's been doing Pilates!

We have been waiting all summer to recreate this Dillard's ad. So here you go.
Their Way/Our Way

A Gaysian Olson Twin!

Werq that tube!

We imported bangi hookers to the Pines for the weekend...

...just for you!

We bet she gives a mean lapdance!

We also flew in a gal from Mejico. We thought we could make a lot of money if she were to sell roses table-side at The Bistro on the island!

Say hello to NYC fashion publicists Jessica Steinstein-Berger (seated) and Jasmine L0

Jessica is always working and networking wherever she goes, while Jasmine is always ready for a party!

Jasmine Steinstein PR is not accepting new clients! Inquire within!

When Jessica isn't busy in client meetings and press previews she is summering in the Hamptons!

Sunday tea was a little rainy. It's all about a gaysian umbrella!

Punk at The Pantry

Liiiiiiina serves tribal! If you need an accessory, you know where to go chil!

Briana is carryin' 2 lbs of meat! And we ain't talkin' what's between huh legz!

WHO WHORE IT BETTER?
While the dude on the left has a slightly more streamlined version of the identical plaid short, Tanlines accessorizes better with Will, whose choice of apparel is much chic-er than the dude ith a tucked in polo, oversized khaki shorts and leather belt. This ain't a golf match sista!

Huuuuush, hush, voices carry!

MY WHAT YOU'LL SEE WHEN BOARDING THE FERRY HOME!

Damn girl, those shorts are fierce. We would totally wear 'em but we're a size four, not 16!

CARSON KRESSLEY? IS THAT CHU?

Oh she really better werq a one piece de-boarding the ferry!

It's a bit much that belt buckle! A bit much.

Four White Tops!

While we were somewhat depressed to be done with the island, our spirits were quickly lifted when we saw huh!

DON'T F**K IT UP!
--GOOL!